That's exactly how I'm feeling right now.

Results were not as bad as expected, but not good either. I hoped for a little more, turned out a little less. I wanted to change the path but I think I've been directed back to the one I've always been expected to take. No surprises for results. A for the expected and D for Math. I'm not sore about that, just that I did cling on to that little hope for the better, you see.

I cried, not so much because I didn't do well but more for the fact that my grades didn't justify the effort I put in. No, I hardly studied for literature getting an A was good but I don't really deserve it. I did my utmost best for math and econs though, but things just don't work that way. I honestly don't know what I'm feeling now, I'm so numbed I'm probably just fucked up. I honestly couldn't find a better way to react these incomprehensible and indescribable feelings and somehow, tears were the only way out.

It's anguish?

No, plain disappointment?

Maybe it's reality setting in.

I think it's just exhaustion from all the suspense built up for weeks.

Or relief? It's finally over.




And so maybe I've gotten something less, but I realised I've gained something more important.